05 January 2011

PE: Lehi's Dream and Me

After surviving the internal battle I had been fighting inside myself for so long, I experienced feelings very similar to the language in Lehi's dream found in the Book of Mormon. Let me explain:

In this vision, Lehi found himself in a "dark and dreary waste," in which he "traveled for the space of many hours in darkness." In the distance, he saw a tree "whose fruit was desirable to make one happy." It was a struggle to get to that tree. He had to navigate through mists of darkness, the taunting and ridicule of others. Many did not make it. But Lehi did.
The life of a Gay Mormon who is trying to figure out how to reconcile two seemingly opposing parts of themselves is nothing short of a dark and dreary wasteland. Happiness often seems like a dream meant for anyone but themselves. Many spend hours pleading with God to grant them a solution so they can be happy. They spend their lives in fear of all the people who would mock them and reject them. Unlike Lehi, however, there is no happiness offered to gay members of the church. There are no happy options. The only answer is celibacy... to be alone for life. There is no tree with fruit that makes one happy presented to this class of people.

Well, I promise that even though it isn't presented to you, it exists. The mists of darkness are just too thick right now to see it. I know it exists because I found it! I found happiness as a Gay Mormon! Now listen to what Lehi did when he partook of this magical happy-fruit:

The first thing he desired after realizing how much joy it brought him was that his "family should partake of it also," because it was the most desirable fruit in existence. So he looked for them and "beckoned unto them."

The first thing he wanted to do was share it with the people he loved. And guess what? That is EXACTLY how I felt after finding happiness for myself. I immediately began looking into ways I could reach out to the countless people out there who are waging a war on themselves. A war that doesn't need to be fought. In the beginning it was almost unbearable for me to imagine how many people there were out there like me going through the hell that I had been through. I know what kind of pain that is. I know how close to death it can bring a person. And I also know that there is a tree with fruit full of happiness out there that is waiting for those people to find.


Anonymous said...

You and I must be on the same wave length AND the same reading schedule in the Book of Mormon. Just a few days ago, I reread this dream, and jotted my notes down in my scripture journal about what I felt about it and being a gay member of the church.

You beat me to the punch. Great job. Thank you!

Now, I will write about something else. :)

J G-W said...

Earth is a dreary wasteland for many of us for many reasons. It may not be struggles around sexuality, it may be something else. Poverty; political oppression; violence; gender or racial oppression... Pick your poison.

I love Lehi's dream and I relate to it too. I see the iron rod as our relationship with God. The Book of Mormon calls the iron rod "the word of God" (1 Nephi 15:24). That has potentially very broad meaning in scripture. It can refer to scripture itself, but it can also refer to the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of Revelation. It can also refer to Jesus Christ ("the Word"). In a word, the iron rod is that which leads us out of darkness and into the light, into the delightful, joy-filled presence of God.

We gay Mormons desperately need the iron rod...

Gay Mormon said...

@this duck author- That's weird! Get out of my wavelength! haha, jk. Good to know I'm not the only crazy one.

@J G-W- You are totally right, the world is a wasteland for lots of reasons. I didn't mean to make it sound like this was ONLY applicable to my situation. But yeah, I was sharing how I related these scriptures to me personally. And yes, we definitely need a gay iron rod :)

J G-W said...

Somehow that didn't come out sounding quite right. :)

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