14 January 2011

PE: OMG- I just came out to my future boss

Some of you know that I am interviewing for a job I can work as I start getting my film stuff going. Well, I had an interview for a management position at a certain place with the district manager. We talked for probably and hour and a half at least. It was insane. It went really well, and I am pretty sure I have the job (once I clear my background check).

Well, over the course of the interview, there is a part where she asks some questions. One of the questions was something along the lines of "what was a time when you've had to make a difficult decision?" Well, I knew there were lots of examples of that in my life, but I couldn't look past the big one staring me in the face. Coming to terms with my sexuality was FULL of big, difficult decisions. After trying hard for a few moments to think of something else to talk about, I just gave into my thoughts and said, "okay, this is really personal, but I will share it with you..."

So then I tell her I am gay and how I just came to terms with that recently and what kind of difficult decisions were involved. I was so relieved when she said she had a best friend who was gay and then she started asking me about the church and their stance on the issue. She grew up Mormon, but went inactive. She tried to come back to church with her boyfriend of 10 years and with her kids, but people in the ward kept pressuring them to get married. She felt like the people were ashamed to have an unmarried couple with children coming to church. But she and her boyfriend were determined to return to church. Eventually it was too much for them though. They didn't like the pressure they were getting and the vibe that people were uncomfortable with them.

So yeah- in my interview, we talked about things you should NEVER talk about in an interview, sexuality and religion. haha. But, I just kind of followed my gut and felt like it would be okay to talk about that with her. That is the vibe I got, so I went with it. I find out if I passed my background check Wednesday... I'll let you all know ;)


Bro. P. (Brother Parker) said...

This is the first time to your blog, but I wanted to say that once you're out, there's no going back. I came out at 61 and it was very hard. Mine coming out was related to Brokeback Mountain. One day I just couldn't take it anymore, that was before I had come out to my wife and family, and I went to lunch with a friend. She said that there was no way I wanted to live an Ennis or Jack life and that I had to move forward. Honesty is the best policy...being true to yourself is the only way.

Steven Lester said...

May I share with you my favorite story of Ward love, or the lack of it? It goes like this.

Because I work on Sundays and my shift takes place during my ward's hours block I began to attend the Sacrament Meeting of the other ward which shares our ward house. Because I had to go to work right after it was finished I wore my work uniform, with its tie upgrade. I sat down in one of the pew lengths at the end nearest to the wall, and enjoyed the proceedings just fine, although I didn't know anybody up there. The ward was quite full with nearly all the pews filled, except for one. That is right...mine. I had the entire length of pew to myself. I sat completely alone. (I did move to the aisle end when the Sacrament was passed so the kid wouldn't have to walk through the entire pew area to serve me, but afterwards I moved back to the wall.)

Well, knowing how folks like to claim pews for their own and sit there each and every Sunday, I decided to conduct an experiment. The next Sunday, similarly dressed, I sat in a different pew, actually the one the fullest with people. Interestingly, that pew was again completely empty after I had first sat down within its confines. The next Sunday, another pew, that again remained completely empty.

I should say that as I left nobody said a word to me, although several did look at me silently. Not even the Bishop himself ever came over to me to say hi.

Well, I stopped coming after that and never returned, and just as I got into my car to drive away, my eye chanced upon that message which is on the wall of every ward house under the LDS logo: Visitors Welcome. I thought then as I think now, "What somebody actually believed it?"

Steven Lester said...

"What if somebody actually believed it?" is what I meant to type.

jen said...

Your bravery and willingness to just be YOU is awesome!

Jonathan Adamson said...

@Bro. P- I love that movie. I did a 15-page report on it in one of my film classes at BYU :) I think that it is a beautiful tragic love story that maintains a sense of realism often lost in other hollywood love-tales. It is true that once you come out, there is no going back... not because it would be impossible. I'm sure I'd have an army of loved ones that would be glad to assist me into a "straight" life, but because once you have tasted the happiness that is out there for you, only a masochist would go back to denying themselves that.

@Steven- Thank you for sharing that story. It is sad. It makes me angry even. When my future boss was telling me her story, I could feel that she was sincere and that she really was hurt. I think there is a real problem in the culture of the church. I don't know how long it has persisted, but it is turning good people away. The sad part is, many of us (including future boss lady) knows it is the people. We don't have qualms about the gospel. But subjecting yourself to that kind of negative environment isn't healthy for anyone. If anyplace should be non-judgmental, unconditionally loving, and completely welcoming, it should be church. Sadly, this is hardly the case.

@jen- haha, thanks... I surprise myself sometimes. One day I will regret opening my mouth, I just know it haha.

Boris said...

@Jonathan - you said to Steven “it is the people.” True, but “the people” in the Church take their cue from their leaders--if a Ward or Branch is unfriendly to some of its members (or investigators, or visitors), the Bishopric/Branch Presidency have both the opportunity and the responsibility to change that, which they can begin to do by openly welcoming those whom others have ignored, shunned or ostracized. After all, Mormonism (like Roman Catholicism) is hierarchical--”the people” have been well trained to follow their leaders (at least while in church) and will usually salivate on command, as so many of them did in California in re Prop 8.

Boris said...

PS: to Steven: I can't help thinking you want it both ways: "poor Steven" when Church members/leaders ignore or ostracize you, yet like the "energizer bunny," you just keep on going and going, subjecting yourself to more of the same treatment--it seems like you just can't bring yourself to kiss the Church "goodbye." Why not end this soap opera once and for all, and tell the Church, your Bishop/Stake President, and the GA to "go to [that place reserved for "sons of perdition]?"

bradcarmack said...

Cool story, you're bold!

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