07 March 2012

THT: Once You Are Real

The Velveteen Rabbit:

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

"I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled.

"The Boy's Uncle made me Real," he said. "That was a great many years ago; but once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always."


Shedding the facade and embracing myself has felt much like becoming "real." It is a painful process to become real, and it sometimes takes a long time... but it is also kind of magical. Once you are real, you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.

02 March 2012

PE: The Church's Response to my Letter

I got a letter from the church today. Here is what is read:

Dear Brother Adamson:

I have been asked to acknowledge your recent letter in which you request that your name be removed from the membership records of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

I have also been asked to inform you that the Church considers such a request to be an ecclesiastical matter that must be handled by local leaders before being processed by Church employees. Therefore, your letter and a copy of this reply are being sent to President Edward L. Schollenberger of the Provo Utah YSA 13th Stake. He will have Bishop Dennis W. Fisher of the Provo YSA 188th Ward contact you concerning the fulfillment of your request.

In view of the eternal consequences of such an action, the Brethern urge you to reconsider your request and to prayerfully consider the enclosed statement of the First Presidency.


Confidential Records

Why can't they simply honor my request? This Bishop was the source of a lot of pain in the past. It was back when I was at BYU... over a year ago! I have nothing to say to that man. He was very indecent to me... and that was when I still wanted to strengthen my belief in the church. In the pamphlet that came with the letter, "An Invitation," one of the sentences that made me chuckle a little was, "We invite you to partake of the happiness you once knew." That so-called happiness led me on the path to suicide. I would have to be crazy to go back.