Gay Mormons aren't allowed to be unhappy without being attacked. If you have one bad day, one bad week, or one bad year, it opens your whole life up to ridicule and judgment by the Mormon community. I'm sure it is the same for Christian conservatives everywhere. Here's what I mean:
If somethings goes wrong in your life, everyone points to it and says, "wickedness never was happiness." Any problem you might encounter is put into the bank of ammo people can use against you. If you are unhappy, they believe it is because God is punishing you for your "deviant" lifestyle. Therefore, there is no reason to comfort or empathize because it is God's judgment. Rather, they feel they need to point to your pain and say, "see, I told you so."
People do this whenever disaster strikes also. If some big disaster happens in some location, many point and say- "God must be very unhappy with those people over there." It is ridiculous. Bad things happen to good people. Even righteous people. But for some reason Mormons have this unconscious idea that if only they were righteous enough, life would be just peachy. Gay people have bad days. They have bad weeks, and yes, even bad years. But then so do straight people. Having a hard time or a bad day doesn't go hand-in-hand with sin.
8 comments:
You have spoken the truth, my friend. Bad things happen to all people and it has nothing to do with an individual's "worthiness". Moreover, the prerequisite for baptism is a willingness to "bear one another's burdens" not to just pile more on.
Personally, since coming out I have had more good days, a greater sense of peace and a confidence in myself and the Lord than I had living the "straight" life. Because wickedness never was happiness, I know I'm doing right before God.
@Clive- I totally agree. The amount of good that has come of my life since coming to terms with my homosexuality has been amazing.
Its easier to blame the victims than to believe bad things could happen to them too...
If they believe something is wrong with ME, than nothing bad will ever happen to THEM because they aren't like ME.
For a long time, I believed it too... If I was just more righteous, did more service, went to church and the temple MORE, than I wouldn't deserve what was happening to me.
I'm far happier since letting go of those old ideas. In my mind, "wickedness" is going against myself. Going against myself never was (nor will be) happiness.
@ Gay Mormon and Clive--I'm so scared to come "fully out". I mean, gosh...my friends and family know...but...I feel as if I were to come fully out, that I would be destined to a life of eternal damnation. I know that sounds super dramatic, but...that's how I feel.
But, it just doesn't make sense with what other gay Mormons have experienced. I mean, you and Clive are both happier. Others are happier when they finally stop lying to themselves and get a partner.
Do you guys have any suggestions on how I can make this transition to come "fully out" easier?
If you'd like, you can email me at aforee245 at gmail dot com
I think I'd rather bear one another's burdens than think about my own frankly.
@Andy- "Coming out" is a very personal and individualized thing. There are so many variables to consider. But it will never not be scary. Doesn't matter how many people I've told, telling another one is always nerve-racking.
The first thing I needed to do was be comfortable with myself. If I wasn't comfortable and sure of what I was about to tell people, I would have never done it. And in getting to that point, I found that I didn't believe all that talk of damnation for my soul. This was by far the hardest part of the whole process. Accepting myself and loving myself.
The next thing I had to do was prepare myself emotionally and logistically to be ready for any reaction I might get. I knew I couldn't control how other people responded, so I had to be ready for any response. I felt that telling my close family and friends was something I needed to to. The reaction I might get wouldn't outweigh the need I felt to tell the people I loved. But I was also mentally prepared to be "cut off" if that's what it came to.
At that time, I wasn't prepared for the possible reaction from the church or BYU. I wasn't prepared to be terminated halfway through my last semester of college. So I held off. This was the factor that kept me from telling more family and friends or keeping me from being completely out in general because people always do things they shouldn't because they think it is what is best for you. I had no way of knowing whether a family member or friend would react by calling up BYU or my bishop or whatever.
Receiving my diploma will be the final key for me. It is the last thing holding me back. I can handle negative reactions, but not when those reactions involve messing up my future. I don't feel bad about it either because I feel in my heart that this treatment is not right. It is unjust. No one has the right to punish me for accepting myself and living according to the dictates of my own conscience.
Painfully reasonable conclusion.
Things happen for a reason, to strenghten us or to teach us. Just something I've learned over the years
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