11 August 2011

THT: Keeping a Safe Distance.

There are a lot of people that wonder why anyone who has been hurt or offended by religion bother with it anymore. I ask myself that question all the time.

Tonight I was Skyping with my boyfriend. We talked about religion mostly. It is often the topic of discussion. We can talk for hours about it. Anyway, at one point I asked him if he thought I spent too much time and energy thinking about God/religion. Of course he said no and that he loves that I am so thoughtful about it, but it made me wonder why I spend the time that I do on it.

In our conversation, I feel like I came to some sort of conclusion. I am inclined to believe. It is just in me. I feel a pull towards the spiritual... towards deity. However, I've put all my faith and trust in spiritual things before, and I got burned. After years of service, time, energy, and emotional, spiritual, and mental investment, I was burned bad... scarred even. My soul cannot forget that pain... but my spirit is just as inclined to believe.

So, this brings us to my situation. I want to believe, but I'm afraid to. Most children won't go near the oven after getting burned by it. But as we grow, we realize that there is a proper way to touch the oven. You can open it and find a feast without getting burned. I guess I'm just trying to figure out how to do that. Find the fulfillment in belief without getting hurt again.

For now though, it seems I am keeping a safe distance.


Jeremy said...

I think it is always wise to separate belief and faith from religious doctrine, activities, and religion as an organization. I think also, that when a person feels hurt or injured by religion or by some kind of spiritual pain, they should take a break or create space for healing. The soul, heart, mind, whatever does have to heal from injuries it has taken.

It may mean for you that in order to proceed with understanding in faith and spirituality, you need to first allow yourself to heal from the pain inflicted by it.

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