When I started this blog, there were much fewer resources for LGBT Mormons. Going through my self-acceptance and coming out phase was extremely difficult and disorienting. I felt so alone and so lost and so unsure of my future. As I processed all my thoughts and emotions, I realized that there would be others like me who had no one to talk to, no one to relate to, and no resources. So I set out to become a sort of resource by sharing my story as it unfolded. At the time, I had no idea that the act of starting my blog would change my life in a very measurable way.
I used to receive emails from around the world from people who read my blog or came across my YouTube videos pretty frequently. Many times they would be emails from people who felt alone and scared and they just needed someone to talk to. Every once and awhile, when I could, I would meet people and talk to them face to face. 3 1/2 years ago, I received an email from a boy named Sean. He was going to college in LA, had recently come out, and emailed me because he was coming home to Salt Lake for the summer and wanted to know how to meet other guys who came from a Christian background.
He had come across my blog and videos and other than the fact that he was in college, I knew nothing about him. I invited him to come to a game night with a group of friends in Provo. Our relationship developed over the next few weeks and we have been together ever since. We've had a wonderful relationship and many adventures. Sean has been my rock while I navigated these new waters, and I like to think I've been his. We've always had each others' back and all the hard things in life are that much easier to deal with because of that.
There are often pivotal moments in life that we can look back on and recognize as life-changing events. More rare, however, are the points in life when you recognize very distinctly that in the present moment, you are making life-altering decisions. Now is one of those times.
Sean and I, after many tears, conversations, counseling sessions, and much thought, have decided to go separate ways at the end of the year. Sometimes real love means saying goodbye, and I believe that is true for us. It has been very difficult to accept the reality of this decision. For the first time in a long time, we are both facing a heartbreaking challenge and we wont have the other to be our rock- to get us through and hold each others' hand while we heal from the pain-- and that is absolutely terrifying.
A couple weeks after making this decision, I was offered and opportunity to do long-term work for Madison House Autism Foundation, which is located in the Washington DC area. I accepted that opportunity, and will be moving there the first week of January. It is so much to process. Not only am I experiencing my first real heartbreak and ending my first long-term relationship, I am leaving practically everything and everyone I know, packing my belongings into a car, and driving 2,000 miles away. This will be a clear point in my life where everything changed. I don't know what is in store for my future. It will be a new type of journey, another stage in this unpredictable life- and I plan on taking you all along for the ride.