THT: Am I My Brother's Keeper?

"And Cain talked with Abel his brother: and it came to pass, when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother, and slew him. And the Lord said unto Cain, Where is Abel thy brother? And he said, I know not: Am I my brother’s keeper? And he said, What hast thou done? the voice of thy brother’s blood crieth unto me from the ground."

 Genesis 4:8-10

 

Responsibility. This is one of two posts I want to write on this issue. I am not going to mince words here. This first post is directed towards the leaders of this church. You are (speaking to the leaders), in many ways, guilty of the same crime as Cain. This is evident, most recently, by your complete disregard and negligence for the gay LDS people for whom you are responsible for. When you stand before God and he asks, "Where is thy brother Jonathan?" or "Where is thy brother Stuart Matis" or any number of men and women who have been kicked out of their homes, driven away, or simply forgotten and left alone, what will you say?

"Am I my brother's keeper?"

You have lost so many due to negligence and silence on the issue of homosexuality. If a celibacy or heterosexual marriage are not viable options for a person, they are dismissed. They are not invited to participate in your wards. They are not allowed to speak in church. You place a visible mark on them. Don't pretend that others will not notice a person in the ward who never has any calling and who never speaks in church, or who never goes on temple trips or takes the sacrament. There is no help for them from you unless it is on your terms. 

 

You have lost so many kids to risky behavior, abuse, a life of drugs and sex because you will not give them appropriate, helpful, and realistic counsel specific to their needs and because you have taught their parents that homosexuality is as evil as murder. You have failed to teach these kids that they are valuable and loved by God. That they are of great worth and are not broken or sick. That there are still ways for them to live respectable lives, ones in which they respect themselves and others even within a committed homosexual relationship. That their goal should be a long-term, committed and legitimate homosexual relationship and a family-oriented life if celibacy is not realistic. That they should be open and include their families in their lives.  

You have lost the lives of so many who believed that it would be better to die than to be gay due to careless remarks and comments on homosexuality. Because of the fear you have instilled in them. Because these people wanted to do what was right so bad, that they would rather take their own life than to sin. Because you have allowed an environment of fear, hate, ignorance, and prejudice to exist among your congregations regarding homosexuality. Good, bright, worthy, God-fearing men and women have been lost.

What will you say when God asks you where they are? Take responsibility. If you are what you claim, you are accountable and responsible for the thousands upon thousands that have been lost due to your actions (or non-action). 

"That there are abusive practices that have been used in connection with various mental attitudes or feelings. Over-medication in respect to depression is an example that comes to mind. The aversive therapies that have been used in connection with same-sex attraction have contained some serious abuses that have been recognized over time within the professions. While we have no position about what the medical doctors do (except in very, very rare cases — abortion would be such an example), we are conscious that there are abuses and we don’t accept responsibility for those abuses."

-Elder Oaks

You have authorized and known of actions and orders that have been given to gay men and women to cure them of their homosexuality. This includes, but is not limited to, prescribing marriage as a fix, and endorsing shock-therapy at church-owned and church-run BYU. Whether you knew at the time that these prescriptions were harmful or not, you allowed them, and they indeed have proven to be extremely harmful. But rather than apologize and acknowledge this, you have responded, "Am I My Brother's Keeper?"

I am training as a manager at my workplace. In the process I have made many unintentional mistakes. I was unaware that I was doing something wrong. Regardless of that, however, I was still the person who made the mistake and it would never excuse me from apologizing for my error. You are no different. You are responsible for your actions. You ARE your brother's keeper.

THT: Ignorance Is Bliss

Why is it so hard for so many LDS people to consider that gay people don't choose to be gay or that perhaps they have valid arguments? Why do they accept sketchy logic to give them reason to ban gay marriage? I've often wondered why it is SO hard and SO uncomfortable even for close friends to talk about and think about the morality of homosexuality. My mom helped me realize what I think is a huge reason.

When I, (a gay individual), ask for an active LDS person to understand, I am asking much more than that. It isn't my intention, but in the other person's mind, I am asking them to question the prophets, question their beliefs, question the position of the church on this issue. That is no small order. It is scary. It is huge and overwhelming. No wonder so many don't want to hear about it or talk about it.

Although I think it is sad and unfortunate that something like this would rock the foundations of their testimonies, I can understand. I was there once. But now I realize that my testimony isn't built on any man or institution... both of which will always be imperfect in this mortal existence. My testimony is built on Christ. So a question I pose that might challenge something a prophet has said has no effect on my testimony of Christ and his gospel. Today, however, most of us go to church and open our skulls to have "truth" dictated to us and poured into our heads. We don't question, we don't challenge. If it is in the lesson, it must be truth. I think this is a sad sad reality. "All is Well in Zion." Don't doubt or question anything that is said or done because "all is well."

So yes, on the one hand, I understand why people don't want to understand the plight of individuals like me. But on the other hand, I don't agree that it should be that way. I don't agree that this issue has to challenge anyone's testimony or cause them to choose between the gospel or this issue. Unfortunately, that's what the majority of people in the church feel they must do... so continued ignorance will bring continued bliss until it becomes too late. One day people might understand... but they will have regrets for the harm they've caused due to their love of ignorance and their fear of questioning. The idea that questioning leads to a loss of testimony is not doctrinally based and ignorance has never been preached by Christ.

THT: Bisexuality

I have been thinking for a few weeks now that I needed to bring up bisexuality. Frankly, I am a bit disappointed in myself for not bringing up the issue before. You see, I am just as ignorant of bisexuality as many heterosexual people are of homosexuality. I cannot understand bisexuals on the level that another bisexual could. Realizing this helps me see why it is so hard for straight people to even consider gay people.

When I started the polls on my site, I included heterosexuality and homosexuality. I completely left out bisexuality. Not on purpose, mind you. I just forgot. When I realized this, it was too late to change the poll because people had already voted. So please, if any of you reading this fall into the spectrum of bisexuality, forgive me.

I firmly believe that bisexuality is just as real as homosexuality. I also believe that many people use this as a stepping stone on their way to accepting that they are gay. It is far easier to admit you are bisexual than homosexual. At least then you can still hold onto the possibility that you like, and could make a life with a woman. I myself went through a short time (very short) when I would claim bisexuality. I was so afraid of the word gay. It was the stepping stone between straight and gay.

However, it wasn't long before I realized I was being a coward. Too afraid to face the real truth that I was pretty much as gay as they come. I have no interest in intimate relationships with women. In fact, female sexuality is a bit hard for me to swallow most of the time. I am not disgusted by the female form... but just don't show me anything sexual. Anyway, many, like me, claim bisexuality for a time because it is easier than claiming homosexuality.

Having said that, there are true bisexuals walking among us. I didn't believe it until having met some. One of my good friends is bisexual. Let me say how difficult I imagine being a bisexual would be. Like I said before, I don't understand it. I have heard some people describe it like this:

There are times in my life when I am noticing a lot more females and feel the draw to be with a girl while I almost entirely ignore males. Then, after a time (usually months, and sometimes years), all of a sudden, it switches and I find myself checking out males almost exclusively.

One of my friends is in a gay relationship. At one point, while he was in the relationship, he was very much interested in women. He didn't care to check out guys at all. But he stayed committed and eventually that period passed.

Can you imagine the frustration? I certainly feel like my orientation is much easier to deal with than bisexuality would be. I'm not sure how it works. Can a true bisexual be completely satisfied in a partnership with one member of one gender? If so, I'd imagine that many bisexuals choose the socially acceptable orientation and live life as a heterosexual (I certainly would).

In my research about changing orientation, I have found that most "success" cases are bisexuals and that they learn to suppress the homosexual desires and embrace the heterosexual ones. They learn to find fulfillment in a heterosexual relationship. On the other hand, if there are no heterosexual desires to begin with (and I don't mean "I wish I was straight" I mean, "wow, I'd really like to make out with that girl/boy"), it hasn't proven possible to create those heterosexual feelings to replace the homosexual ones.

Anyway, to all my bisexual brothers and sisters out there- know that you are loved and thought of. I hope that my understanding about your sexuality will continue to grow and that you find the tools you need to help guide you through your life. Regardless of the path you take, I hope you feel my support.