tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2730636855717448971.post5957584867514127401..comments2023-06-10T03:06:39.748-06:00Comments on In These Gay Mormon Shoes: THT: I love you, butJonathan Adamsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03888679384571699094noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2730636855717448971.post-52230017104055344362011-10-11T20:31:48.713-06:002011-10-11T20:31:48.713-06:00well I love you too, cousin Judy, but you are a sm...well I love you too, cousin Judy, but you are a small minded biggotAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2730636855717448971.post-9596369109767888972011-10-07T19:56:35.298-06:002011-10-07T19:56:35.298-06:00This is what I am dealing right now with my friend...This is what I am dealing right now with my friends and family. Hopefully...they will really learn how to love me and accept who I am and who I love.Andyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04801187742151343154noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2730636855717448971.post-22464193135246301532011-09-27T12:48:06.981-06:002011-09-27T12:48:06.981-06:00> Can we modify love? I feel like it is somethi...> Can we modify love? I feel like it is something that is there or it is not.<br /><br />You know, I feel like a lab-coated geek among flower children<br />for saying this, but there **really, really** isn't such a<br />thing as unconditional love.<br /><br />It's not a particularly pleasant fact to contemplate, but it<br />does accord with common sense, after all.<br /><br />I'm sure he doesn't say what you'd be completely comfortable<br />hearing, but maybe you should read, or listen to, a bit (just a bit!)<br />of Dan Savage's "Savage Love" columns and/or podcasts,<br />to get a feel for what he calls "deal breakers" in a<br />relationship.<br /><br />Here's an extreme example of a deal-breaker. A young, smart,<br />handsome, just-out-of-college guy is engaged to be married<br />to a beautiful girl. In a tragic automobile accident (in<br />which the guy isn't even driving the car -- he's on holiday<br />with friends), the guy becomes a quadraplegic,<br />wheelchair-bound for life. Does the girl still marry him?<br />Not bloody likely -- that's not what she signed up for. They<br />split up, and the guy (at least retrospectively -- who knows<br />what bitterness he harbored in his heart at the time?) thinks it was<br />a perfectly reasonable thing to do. This isn't hypothetical --<br />I know the guy.<br /><br />> Is it any wonder that gay individuals don't feel welcomed,<br />> don't feel included, don't feel equal, and don't feel loved<br />> by the people who should love them most?<br /><br />"Should" -- what a loaded, slippery word. You know, you're coming of age<br />in a time in which it's not inconceivable for homosexual children<br />to come out to their parents and (after a bit of trauma) still<br />expect to have a decent relationship with them. In my time, that<br />would have been absolutely inconceivable -- the best one could<br />hope for is that they wouldn't ever find out.<br /><br />I was an only child -- a shy, timid, athletically-hopeless,<br />easily-bullied kid, but pretty smart and academically gifted.<br />In spite of my talents (which were never quite enough)<br />there was some kind of terrible cloud that hung over my<br />relationship with my parents from the time I hit puberty<br />right through to the end of their lives. I never really knew<br />what that was all about until -- quite late in life! -- it<br />struck me: of **course** they knew (on some level) that they<br />had a queer son. They may not have put it that way to themselves<br />(or they may have had bad moments when they thought that<br />very thing), but they knew **something was wrong** -- and<br />they didn't like it one bit.<br /><br />At least you've got the issue entirely out in the open, and<br />you can actually argue with them about it. ;->jimfhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04975754342950063440noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2730636855717448971.post-70609395447124781302011-09-25T14:29:22.013-06:002011-09-25T14:29:22.013-06:00From now on, whenever you hear the phrase, "I...From now on, whenever you hear the phrase, "I love you, but", your mind will automatically change the phrase to, "I love your butt." There. Now go forward with a smile planted firmly at both ends. ;)Liznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2730636855717448971.post-84871011721794481012011-09-22T21:51:35.782-06:002011-09-22T21:51:35.782-06:00"I love you" is a complete sentence. Whe..."I love you" is a complete sentence. When someone tries to add more to that complete sentence with a "but", that isn't love. It's called control, which is the opposite of love.<br /><br />Why should anyone have the right to tell you what THEY think about YOUR life?jenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07609613967033394629noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2730636855717448971.post-81357084036953925812011-09-22T16:04:24.686-06:002011-09-22T16:04:24.686-06:00You are right to question people's integrity c...You are right to question people's integrity concerning love. It is often not love at all, but a conventional response in a social setting. Speaking of “love” in those situations is as unfortunate as it is confusing. It would be more precise to say, “I care for you because of your conformity to our shared beliefs.” When the uninformed speak of gay people's choices they unknowingly refer to their own choices. Gay people require straight people to compromise on what they may have considered inviolable truth. Their humanity is conflicted and they are faced with the choice of compromise and tolerance, or rejection and condemnation. When they choose the former, they feel magnanimous because they have not been harsh the way rigid people still are sometimes. But tolerance alone is not love.<br /><br />Abandoning broader institutions that denigrate gay people is probably a healthy act, but love is proper to intimate groups such as family (shared DNA) and friends (shared experience). Continuing to interact with family and friends as a loved one gives those who are conflicted renewed opportunity to choose to learn and love. By doing so, both parties grow to the point described by St. Paul: love is long suffering. <br /><br />I think love arises spontaneously: a living force beneath consciousness. One's choice to continue on the path of love is what brings your fuller conception of love to fruition. Love ultimately becomes a series of choices validating its earliest manifestation. The healthiest of loving relationships are conflicted at some point, which necessitates those choices. We are sustained by love partly because of its complexity and dynamism; revel in it: it can be as satisfying as the simplicity that we long for love to be.Freddienoreply@blogger.com